Mike Lange's & other goal calls

 Mike Lange's & other goal calls

⚠🚨RED CARD ALERT!🚨⚠

C'EST PARTI au/GAME ON at
MI-TEMPS au/HALFTIME BREAK at
C'EST REPARTI au/GAME BACK ON at
FIN DU MATCH au/BALLGAME OVER at

ET LE BUT!
MARQUE LE BUT/SCORES

Hit
Big hit
Smash hit
Master hit
Grandmaster hit
Great grandmaster hit

Hits the left/right post with the shot!
That shot never went in!
O, it didn't go/never went in!
My goodness! Pass me the Guinness, the Everclear (…& the Wild Turkey)!  191-151
O Mamma Mia/Grandma Pia!
O, good golly, Miss Molly!
(Sweet) Holy pepperoni, cheese & crackers!
Searching for a find… … finds nothing
We play on!
Foul call… none available. We keep (right on) playing.

O, sweet (& spicy) cowabunga!
O, bingo, bango , bongo!
Checkmate, gin & yahtzee!
Checkmate, gin, yahtzee & jenga!
No, no, no, no quitsies!
UNO, DOS, checkmate, gin, yahtzee, jenga & bingo, my friends!
This ballgame is over!

First & foremostly, I'd love to meet & greet you on the debate stage. Then the fun part begins as I will personally treat you like a red-headed stepchild, beat you like a rented mule, strip you of your pride, your prejudice, your dignity like a naked mole rat & most importantly, your lunch money 'cause I'll put that on the card for later so I can get out of this hellhole & leave you in the cold (or in the desert).

Wham! Bam! Like (green eggs &) ham!
'Tis suave like hairspray, 'tis creamy like vanilla frosting & 'tis nasty like baby diaper!
Slap me silly! That's six shades of sexy!
Snatched like ripened forbidden fruit & that forbidden fruit is an apple!
'Tis cheeky, sneaky & freaky!
Pulls his/her pants down & spanked it home!
Like poop through a diarrhea-infected goose!

——————————

After receiving thousands of entries, Mike Lange has selected five finalists for his new goal call. Which has your vote?

Buy me a banjo in Biloxi!

Make my donkey dance!

Hey! Who stole my pickle?

Get the boat ready, Bourquey! We're headed to Bogota!

Give that tiger a bath!

——————————
From Bob McElligott, voice of Columbus Blue Jackets hockey:

"Put your foot in the tea kettle!"
“Flap Jacks on a ferris wheel!”
“Bake me a big loaf, Breadman!”
(Also, "Bake up a big loaf, Breadman!" & "The Breadman sittin'!")
“Count the Cash Rick Nash!”
“Holy Moly what a goalie!”
“Good gracious, Denis Sansasiois!”
Don't walk your dog on a bike path!


"Hey Siri, Alexa, Google & Cortana, show me…" (my own Langeism)

Went to the boogie bin! (Top shelf goal; my own Langeism)

O, Sassy Sally McNasty! (My own Langeism)

Massage my back with a jackhammer! (My own Langeism)

Buckle up, Betty! We're going to (insert location)! (My own Langeism)

O, Sakezumi! (My own Langeism)

Holy Jesus! Pull your pants back up!

Clear the deck ... cannonball comin'!  Deep Freese, baby!

(Insert goalkeeper) searching for his/her liquor license & (opposing player) has it!

Sweet sassy molassey! (My own Langeism)

Great Guns n' Roses! (My own Langeism)

"Heeeeee/Sheeeeee… shoots and scores ..."

Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one, too
(First spoken by two guys in a bar. Really.)

He's/She's smiling like a butcher's dog
(He's/She's smiling like a Cheshire cat)

Get that dog off my lawn

Beat him/her like a rented mule
(First spoken by stockbroker friend, referring to markets beating him.)

Let's go hunt moose on a Harley
(We're going moose hunting on a Harley Davidson)

Never teach a pig to sing
(A singing pig played the Arena once. Really.)

How much fried chicken can you eat?

Great balls of fire

Hallelujah Hollywood
(From a sign in Las Vegas.)

Puttin' on the Ritz

Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Crick
(Time to put/text Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek on speed dial)

Oh no, Eddie Spaghetti

Look out, Loretta
(First spoken by a buddy on an airplane.)

Book 'em, Danno!

Get in the fast lane, Grandma (& Grandpa), the bingo game's about to roll!

Ten ho vykouril jako cigaretu
(From Jaromir Jagr, in Czech, for "He/She smoked him/her like a bad cigar.")

He just put [goaltender's name] on the 405 South (or whichever roadway) headed to San Diego (or another location).
(He just put [goaltender's name] on I-95 North heading to New York City)

He/She doesn't know whether to cry or wind his/her (set his/her Tag Heuer) watch

Scratch my back with a hacksaw (chainsaw)
(From a Monroeville security guard.)

I'll be cow kicked (if I saw that live)!

He/She's trying to sell my monkey
(Lyric from blues master B.B. King.)

Ain't nothing but a houndog!

Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building
(From a South Hills bartender.)

Slap me silly, (insert "S" name)!
O/Well, you can (go ahead &) slap me silly, (insert "S" name)!
O/Well, you can (go ahead &) slap me silly & call me Willy! (Non-"S" names only)

Holy (pepperoni) cheese & crackers!
Holy peas & carrots!

One look & that's all it took.

“Shave my face with a rusty razor.”

“Give me back my old Cadillac.”

“You can spit shine your shoes, baby, because the Penguins (or your favorite team) are gonna go dancing with Lord Stanley (or for a major trophy) once again.”

“Hop in the Cordoba, baby! We’re going bowling/dancing.”

“Great balls of fire!”

“Bring Eddie the spaghetti!”

“Stop the car, Mabel!”

“Hallelujah, Hollywood!”

“Scratch my back with a hacksaw/chainsaw!”

“And he/she (or insert goalkeeper) has just lost his/her liquor license.”

“(Do me a favor [& please]) Tell your ma, tell your pa, [I'm] gonna send ya back to Arkansas!”

“He’s/She's smilin’ like a butcher’s dog!”

“He/She smoked him/her like a bad cigar!”

“Mr. President, there are no further questions.”

“Go ahead, make my day.”

“Stop the press. It’s not over yet.”

“Let’s go hunt big moose on a Harley.”

“Shave my face with a rusty (Gillette) razor.”

“You can hop in the Cordoba, baby. We’re going bowling/dancing.”

“I’ve seen that (kettle of) fish before.”

“Get that dog off my lawn!”

“Get in the fast lane, grandma (& grandpa). The bingo game is ready to roll.”

“Michael, Michael Motorcycle!”

“He/She sits right down and he/she writes him/herself a letter.” (Marc-Andre Fleury stopped a puck.)

“I just wanna see a seal sliding sideways in Sausalito!”

“He/She wants/They want to sell my monkey.”

“Give me back my old Cadillac.”

“And the Penguins (or your favorite team) have sent Elvis right out of the building.”

“I want to see a silly seal sliding sideways in Sausalito.”

“She wants to sell my monkey.”

“He/She doesn’t know whether to cry or wind his/her watch.” (Lange sometimes says that of the opposing goalie.)

“Give me back my old Cadillac.”

“Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

“Stop the car, Mabel.”

“Slap me silly, Sidney!”

“Get that dog off my lawn!”

“How much fried chicken can you eat?”

“Get in the fast lane, grandma Baby Fat. The bingo game is ready to roll.”

“Bring Eddie the spaghetti!”

“He/She just lost his/her liquor license!” (Lange often says this about the opposing goalie.

"Holy cheese & crackers!" ("Holy pepperoni, [nacho] cheese & crackers, Batman/Batwoman!")

"And the kitchen is closed."

"Can/Will I (please) get a witness (in the congregation)?!"

Goal Calls

Book 'em Dano.
Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too. (Also, "He/She, if a name starts with "Sam" [Samuel/Samantha] can buy him/herself a drink & get his/her teammates [& dog] one too")
Call/Text Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek.
Get in the fast lane grandma & grandpa, the bingo game is ready to roll.
Get that dog off my lawn.
Go ahead.... Make My Day.
Great balls of fire.
Hallelujah Hollywood.
Heeeeeeeeeee shoots & scores.
He beat [goalie] like a rented mule.
He doesn't know whether to cry or wind his watch.
He's smiling like a butcher's dog.
How much fried chicken can you eat?
I'll be cow kicked.
Ladies and Gentleman, Elvis has just left the building.
Let's go hunt a moose on a Harley.
Look out Loretta.
Michael, Michael Motorcycle.
Never teach a pig to sing.
Oh no, Eddie Spaghetti.
Scratch my back with a hacksaw.
She wants to sell my monkey.
Stop the press.
Ten ho vykouril jako cigaretu. [Said in Czech.
Translation: He smoked him like a bad cigar.]
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog.
You would have to be here to believe it.

Misc Calls

And [player] takes the heat out of a hot kitchen.
And [goalie] says NO.
Believe me.
Big Ben struck one.
Buzzing like beeeeeeeeeees around a hive.
Great shot [optional: by forward name], but a better save
[optional: by goalie here]!
He/She could have had breakfast, lunch & dinner too.
He/She forgot one thing....the puck/ball.
He/She gave [goalie] more moves than Mae West.
[player] Hasn't scored since the eighth grade picnic.
He/She got his/her hand caught in the cookie jar.
He/She left [defenseman/woman] on the parkway going to the airport.
He knocked [player] on his wallet.
He picked his pocket like he was walking down 5th Avenue.
He's all over [player] like a new pair of shoes.
He should get 05 to 10 for robbery on that save.
He/She was hit so hard his/her kids will be born dizzy.
He/She would not be denied.
If you missed [whatever], shame on you for six weeks (or until October 04; my birthday).
It's a hockey night in Pittsburgh.
It will take a miracle on Grant Street for the [team]
to come back from this deficit.
[player, usually Lemieux] Is putting on the ritz.
More patience than Mercy Hospital.
[player] Is like a bulldozer in a construction yard.
[player] Joins the parade.
[player or team] Is throwing out checks like it is the first of the month (or the Fourth of October; my birthday).
Rebound...there is no rebound.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the action.
The [team] is throwing everything but the kitchen sink.
The Pens are moving from left to right.
[or right to left] (for radio broadcasts)
The turkey/turducken is on the table.
Twinkled the twine.
Wrrrrrrrrrrist shot.

Names for Puck/Ball:
Biscuit
Disc
Mail

Name for the Glass:
Window/Pane

Special Occasions

You can spit shine your shoes, the Pens are going dancing with Lord Stanley.
Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, bring me the brandy.

"Heeeeee shoots and scores ..."

Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one, too
(First spoken by two guys in a bar. Really.)

He's smiling like a butcher's dog

Get that dog off my lawn

Beat him/her like a rented mule
(First spoken by stockbroker friend, referring to markets beating him.)

Let's go hunt moose on a Harley

Never teach a pig to sing
(A singing pig played the Arena once. Really.)

How much fried chicken can you eat?

Great balls of fire

Hallelujah Hollywood
(From a sign in Las Vegas.)

Puttin' on the Ritz

Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Crick

Oh, no, Eddie Spaghetti

Look out, Loretta
(First spoken by a buddy on an airplane.)

Book 'em, Dano

Get in the fast lane, Grandma, the bingo game's about to roll

Ten ho vykouril jako cigaretu
(From Jaromir Jagr, in Czech, for: He smoked him like a bad cigar.)

He just put [goaltender's name] on the 405 South headed to San Diego

He doesn't know whether to cry or wind his watch

Scratch my back with a hacksaw
(From a Monroeville security guard.)

I'll be cow kicked

She's trying to sell my monkey
(Lyric from blues master B.B. King.)

Ain't nothing but a houndog

Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building
(From a South Hills bartender.)

"He/She just stole my liquor license."

(Insert outfield player) just stole (insert goalkeeper)'s liquor license!

__________ just stole __________'s liquor license!

Unfortunately/Well then/All well, the heat is out of the kitchen.

The heat's out of the hot kitchen.

——————————
Great Balls of Fire.
Hallelujah Hollywood.
Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one, too.
Right down Red Snapper Road!  
"Man does not fly … in the house of Mutombo"
Not in my house!

——————————
Oh no, Eddie Spaghetti!
Great balls of fire!
Slap me silly, Sidney!
You’d have to be here to believe it!
Never teach a pig to sing!
Can I get a witness?!
The turkey/turducken/chicken is on the table
Go ahead, make my day!
Scratch my back with a hacksaw/chainsaw
How much fried chicken can you eat?
He/She doesn’t know whether to cry or wind his/her watch!
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!
He/She takes the heat out of a hot kitchen!
Hop in the Cordova baby, we’re going bowlin’!
Buy Sam a drink and get his/her dog one too
He picked his pocket like he was walking down 5th Avenue & West 42nd Street
Get in the fast lane grandma & grandpa, the bingo game is ready to roll!
It’s a hockey night in Pittsburgh!
If you missed this one, shame on you for six weeks/until October 4th (my birthday)
Look out, Loretta!
He’s/She's throwing out checks like it’s the first/fourth of the month!
Donna needs a donut!
Stop the press!
It’s time to buy new shoes!
Shave my face with a rusty razor!
Hallelujah,Hollywood!
He/She beat him/her like a rented mule!
He/She smoked him/her like a bad cigar!
Michael, Michael, motorcycle!
He's/She's got more patience than Mercy/Bellevue/Brookdale/Kings County Hospital
He/She gave him/her more moves than Mae West!
Call Arnold/Arlo/Tom Slick from Turtle Creek!
Let’s go hunt moose on a Harley!
Buzzing like bees around a hive!
He/She went right down Broadway and then some!
Ladies & gentlemen, Elvis (& Elvira) has/have just left the building!
He/She is smilin’ like a butcher’s dog!
I’ll be cow-kicked!
He/She wants to sell my monkey!
Puttin’ on the Ritz!
Book ‘em Dano!
Get that dog off my lawn!
He/She hasn't scored since the 4th/6th/8th/12th grade picnic!

"It's a... HOCKEY NIGHT in Pittsburgh!"
"I'll be cow-kicked!"
"Oh no, Eddie Spaghetti!"
"Hallelujah Hollywood!"
"Heeeeeeeeeeeee shoots and scores!"
"It would take a miracle on Grant Street to come back from this deficit."
"Scratch my back with a hacksaw!"
"Well shave my face with a rusty razor!"
"Great balls of fire!"
"He was hit so hard his kids will be born dizzy"
"He's throwing out checks like it's the first of the month!"
"The turkey/turducken is on the table."
"Hop in the Cordova, baby... we're goin' bowlin'!"
"Donna needs a donut!"
"He left the defensemen on the parkway going to the airport!"
"Look out, Loretta!"
"Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too!"
"He doesn't know whether to cry or wind his watch"
"Michael, Michael, Motorcycle"
"He hasn't scored since the eighth-grade picnic."
"Never teach a pig to sing!"
"Get in the fast lane Grandma, the bingo game's ready to roll!"
"She wants to sell my monkey!"
"Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek!" (pronounced crick)
"He beat him like a rented mule!"
"He's all over 'em like a new pair of shoes."
"Big Ben strikes one." (said when a shot hit the goal post)
"Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has just left the building!" (generally said when an empty net goal is scored)
"Book 'em Dano!"
"He Picked His Pocket Like He was Walking down 5th Avenue"
"If you missed this, shame on you for six weeks."
"And he's smilin' like a butcher's dog"
"He takes the heat out of a hot kitchen" (generally used after the Penguins clear the puck while penalty killing)
"How much fried chicken can you eat?"
"He gave 'em more moves than Mae West."
"You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!"
"Oh slap me silly Sidney!"
"Get that dog off my lawn!"
"And the kitchen is closed!"
"He smoked him like a bad cigar!" (originally stated in Czech when the Penguins had Jaromir Jagr)
"Go ahead, make my day!"
"You'd have to be here to believe it!"
"You can spit-shine your shoes, 'cause the Pens are going dancing with Lord Stanley!'"
"Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, bring me the brandy!"
"Go for it, Mario; go for it."
"Rebound? There is no rebound..."
"I've seen that fish before!"
"Let's go hunt moose on a Harley"
"He would sit on a bald man's hat"
"Stop the press!"
"He went right down Broadway, and then some!"

——————————

Mashed up his/her psyche (like he/she is/was wearing Nike!)
"Coast to coast like buttered toast!"
"From the ladies tees…" (uttered when a slap shot comes from in deep)
"Let's talk about it!"
"Top shelf where mother never dusts."
"Lookout cookout!"
"Livin' right" or "clean livin'"
"Lefthanded larceny" or "righthanded robbery" (used when a goalie makes a big glove save)
"The fans are chanting, 'We disagree'" (used when fans are chanting a familiar and slightly non-family-friendly phrase directed at the officials aka "Ref, you suck!")
"Coast to coast like buttered toast!"
"Top shelf where your mother never dust."
"Hit him right in the mind."
"He's doing yeoman's work along the boards..."
"and you can hear the chants of "We disagree, We disagree."
"the paying officials disagree with that call"
"___ sets it up from the ladies tees"
"the refs must have an early dinner"
“It’s a 50/50 puck”
“That puck was passed right into [player]’s wheel house”
"just outside of his wheel house" or "right in his wheel house"
"_____ (player) is the straw that stirs the drink"
"How do you do's?"
“The paying officials do not like that.”
"Top shelf where your mother never/Old Melonhead doesn't dust"
“A buck ___ left in the period” is good too
“Ducks livin' right”
"---- takes it up to the ladies tees"
"Sends him/her over the apple cart"
"He really got his/her money's worth on that one"
"Gets on his/her high horse"